Say YES to being a little selfish
Making choices and decisions that are aligned with you; with where you are, with where you are going, with your goals and with your values.
Women often make choices based on what is best for other people in their lives – putting other people first in their role as partner, mother, daughter, friend…or that are based in their fears or driven by the things that they are resisting. For example choosing to write your business page posts for Facebook when you KNOW that banging out a short video would be a better option in terms of engagement BUT video is scary right?
For us to live a fully aligned life and to be happy it is important sometimes to shift this focus when it comes to our choices and be more mindful about what is driving them.
YES to be a little selfish – but I say YES to being a little selfish in the sense that selfishness is a form of self-care and self-care leads to a more balanced YOU. I recently made a list of all the things that were no longer serving me in my life and I made a conscious decision that these things would leave my life FOR GOOD.
One of the things on the list was relationships that did not serve me perfectly…in other words…those relationships that are one-sided or draining or just kind of not ticking all the boxes. That is not to say that when a friendship is going through a bad patch that I dump the person cold from my life but more that if there is a consistent theme of not completely serving me then it is time to move on.
This may sound cold or harsh or unfeeling but the truth of the matter is that while I am expending energy with people that are not EXACTLY the people I want to or need to be around…then something or someone else in my life is missing out on that energy. It was a conscious decision about making my relationships more fulfilling and worthy of the time I put into them. It is about being mindful of this stuff and making the choices that DO serve you and what YOU want in life.
I recently worked with Kat Loterzo who is super inspirational and the reason that I am now as driven as I am. One of the things that she often says is that: ‘If its not a HELL YES, then it’s a HELL NO’ I keep this line tucked away in a little box in my head and drag it out when I need to make a decision.
Digressing ever so slightly but still on point…please bear with me…I remember a time when I could walk into a clothing store and pick anything in my size off the rack and take it home and it would look ‘the way it was meant to look’. I was lucky. I know. I never bothered with the fitting rooms until…something changed…my shape? My size? I don’t know, but what I do know is that the clothes I couldn’t be bothered trying in the shop often ended up as returns….so I learnt my lesson and started using the damn dressing room.
It was then that I began the ‘monologue inside my head’. You know the one where you take something to try on …but you have already fallen in love with it and decided that you have to have it. So you put it on…and it looks less than perfect. And then starts the conversation in your mind… about how it probably IS a little small BUT the colour IS PERFECT. And then the dance…where you stand on tip toes (coz you will be wearing heals when you wear this too small beauty out)…and you pull in the tummy to hide the fact that it is a wee bit small for you…and you put your shoulders back AND SUDDENLY…it starts to look ok… AND THAT’S ALL YOU NEED…SOLD!
You take your ‘too small, not quite right’ home. What happens when you get home…you guessed it…it really is ‘too small and not quite right’…and you end up either throwing it to the back of the wardrobe OR you take it back.
So after playing this little game of self-deception and resisting the fact that my body shape had changed, for you know….like years! I finally made a decision about clothes to only buy what served me. And this is how I choose. I DO try on because I have to. When I look in the mirror, if I don’t smile then I don’t buy, AND THAT’S THE END OF THE STORY.
It’s simple and it works – for me. Its an example of how we can spend years making decisions in certain ways that just don’t work FOR us, that sabotages US.
I spent countless hours feeling less than good about how I looked and with a wardrobe of ill fitting clothes that were just not right for me. Now I don’t – now I ONLY buy the things that make me smile.
So remember, in ALL areas of your life and your business. IF IT ISN’T A HELL YES…THEN IT’S A HELL NO!!
I work with strong and driven women who are super passionate about their business, their family, their life and sometimes in that order! They know what it takes to succeed and they are happy to do the work ALL OF THE WORK EVERY DAY. They don’t always walk to the same drum as everyone else. They believe that rules CAN be rewritten according to the ‘Law of You’.
Mostly they love a revolution and they aren’t afraid to put themselves out there, take what they want and make it their own. Sometimes they could do with a little inspiration. Some times It can be a struggle to find a groove. How do you get in flow in business AND stay there? Frankly, sometimes they need a bloody good kick up the arse to find focus and get the outcomes they want to make their life completely awesome.
That’s where I come in. My name is Min and there is nothing I love more than solving a problem, figuring stuff out and getting results. Join my journey and I will join yours. Let’s learn together and inspire each other, get it done and show the world how women do business.
About the Author:
Min is a solo mum of a gorgeous 8 year old monster. They live in rural Victoria where she settled after spending years working in investment banking in London. Min has a passion and a talent for helping small businesses to grow by using social media marketing. She also has a passion for the white wines of New Zealand and Chocolate from pretty much anywhere.